When I Lose Weight I Will…

When I lose weight I will…

• Book that cruise
• Sign up for online dating
• Ask that guy / girl out
• Wear a singlet-top / wear a bikini / wear short shorts
• Go for that job I really want / ask for that pay rise
• Join the gym
• Feel good
• Look good
• Be happy
• Be confident

No doubt we’ve all had one or two of these thoughts or something similar in our time.

Thoughts along the lines of, “When I’m in shape I’ll be happy and confident and I’ll be able to do all the things I’ve wanted to do.”

We don’t walk around admitting it aloud but we think it internally to ourselves, many of us believing: When we lose that weight we’ll finally have [and be worthy of] the life we desire.

When we celebrate weight loss, we reinforce the myth that being at your best always means being at your smallest ~ Melissa Toler

These thoughts are further compounded by diet and weight loss advertisements which lead us to believe that happiness and a fulfilled life lies at the end of our weight loss journey and attaining the ideal body.

“Diet culture creates toxicity in our minds by teaching us that we are not good enough until we’ve reached a certain size”
~ Summer Innanen ~

In psychology, this kind of thinking is known as magical thinking.

Magical thinking is, “believing that one event happens as a result of another without plausible link of causation.” – Alex Lickerman M.D.

Magical thinking example: When I lose weight everything will be better.

When it comes to our bodies this kind of thinking is quite common because for some people it’s easier to focus on trying to fix and change their body believing that when they attain their ideal body their life will magically align. People often believe that the ideal body will grant them the ideal life where they will magically have the love, respect, admiration and acceptance they deserve. For example: “I’d have more friends if I wasn’t so fat”

It’s easier to engage into this kind of magical thinking than it is to go to work on those aspects of life we’re dissatisfied with.

Let’s face it, life is hard and far from perfect and if we’re honest, we all have one or two (or three or four!) aspects of our lives which we are dissatisfied with. They may be: work/career, intimate relationship, family relationships, leisure/recreation, finances, education, health, home life…. and it’s not uncommon for people to think that these areas will improve when their body / weight / appearance improves. Weight loss becomes a quick-fix to all life’s problems.

However, when people focus on fixing their body instead their life they often end up out of balance. They can start to use exercise or food as a way to control their life or fill a void, or both.

Fixating on our body becomes a focus point and quite often the words we use to describe our most hated body parts are actually words we might use to describe some other aspect of ourselves that disturbs us.

The thing is, when something is wrong in your life, it’s not likely due to the size of your thighs, the aging greys in your hair or the anatomical location of your nose but we’re quick to blame and criticise our body because it’s right there in front of us.

The reality is we don’t always win, and things don’t always go as planned. Nobody is perfect. Life can go wrong and fail for many reasons, most of which has nothing to do with your size or appearance. When you are able to step back and grasp reality, you might be able to stop blaming your body.

It’s not until we take the focus off our body that we can begin to explore what we feel bad about in our life and what areas of our life require attendance, care and attention.

How you look is not reflective of what you are capable of achieving, how much you can have or what you deserve. Your appearance does not dictate your self-worth.

Your self-worth is inherent and independent from your body.

We are all born worthy.

If you weren’t pumping so much time, energy and effort into attaining the ideal body, (aka, the ideal life) how else could this energy be better spent?

I invite you to consider you are worthy of having the life you desire right NOW, not 10kg’s from now.

But you may need to go to work, not on your body, but on your actual life.

To have the life you desire you may need to make some serious changes, set some boundaries, establish self-care and let go of some unhealthy relationships and toxic situations. You may need to study, change career paths, overcome perfection, end a marriage, learn how to say no or stop people pleasing.

Our relationship with our body is a window into bigger issues that impact how we feel about ourselves at large. When we work to improve the relationship we have with our body it can free us up to focus on what really needs our attention and what really matters in life.