The journey to being swimsuit ready started by using self-compassion to develop a more resourceful and helpful way of thinking.

I remember this day: It was the day I said, “I don’t look good in a bikini.”

I stared at my reflection in the mirror for some time looking at the parts of my body that displeased me. I felt that heavy feeling grow in my heart – that familiar feeling of failure and disappointment that washes over me whenever I feel my body fails to measure up to what a “bikini body” should be. I felt my reflection in the mirror was a far cry from what society would deem as sexy or desirable and this had me feel deep shame and sadness.

I allowed myself to sit with these uncomfortable thoughts and feelings while noticing what was going on inside me. I heard words pass through my mind like “gross, chunky, fat, and ARGH.” I was overcome with intense feelings of being undesirable, unlovable and a general lack of worth. I recognised the urge to want to change my body and with that the old, familiar and automatic thought crept into my mind, “I should go on a diet.”

Because I have committed to a diet-free life, those words… “I should go on a diet” – acted as an alarm bell, WARNING, WARNING, WARNING, waking me up from the spiral of self-hate and self-loathing that I was going down.

Self-hate and self-loathing were once the familiar and regular way in which I would relate to myself. I know it so well and it’s such an easy pattern of thinking to fall into. But I’m also tired of it. Self-hate and self-loathing is old and outdated. It doesn’t work. This much I know and I refuse to entertain such thoughts.

“If you take a road of self-attack in order to change yourself, you’ll end up at the end of that road all beat up. If you take a road of self-love to change yourself, you’ll find yourself at a happier and healthier destination.”

~ The Institute for the Psychology of Eating ~

When we shame, blame and berate ourselves about our bodies, food or eating, it stops us from seeing ourselves with an open, curious heart and mind. We can launch into beating ourselves up very quickly, so quickly in fact, that we miss the valuable opportunity to pause and ask, “What happened there?”

So how did I transform my old thoughts of self-doubt and self-hate?

I used self-compassion to develop a more resourceful and helpful way of thinking.

Self-compassion comprises of three parts, each of which I’ll refer to:

1. Mindfulness
2. Self-Kindness
3. Common Humanity

The three components of self-compassion allowed me to view my situation from a more empowering point of view. When I became mindful and applied self-kindness I stopped judging, assessing and evaluating myself. By being judgment-free I was able to see there was nothing fundamentally wrong with me.

“Hating ourselves into true change and transformation is a dead-end street. Self-hate actually locks in the very unwanted behaviour that we’re trying to let go of in the first place. When you fight a habit it tends to fight back. What we resist persists.”

~ The Institute for the Psychology of Eating ~

This judgement free space allowed me to have my light bulb moment! The problem was not ME! The problem was the BIKINI! The moment I realised this, my words changed from, “I don’t look good in a bikini” to:

“A bikini no longer looks good on me!”

Oh… A BIKINI no longer looks good on me!!! …WOW! …How liberating! How empowering!!! …And what a unique way to view the situation.

The problem suddenly seemed so simple! This wasn’t a massive catastrophe of me needing to diet down to contort and fit myself into a bikini, this was a case of I needed appropriate swimwear to fit my here-and-now body.

“Loving what is – is one of the most powerful acts a human being can do. It’s not about giving up. It’s about being victorious in love, and then using self love as a motivation to get where we want to go.”

~ The Institute for the Psychology of Eating ~

So that weekend I went out and I tried on several full-piece swim suits and eventually I found one which fitted well, which felt comfortable and one which flattered my body shape.

I now rock the beach with confidence in my full-piece swimsuit, and how liberating that feels because at the end of the day confidence is the best damn sexy a woman can wear!

If you find yourself locked in your own bikini battle and want to be free of the dieting merry-go-round, then contact me now to find out how I can support you to develop self-compassion and body confidence.